Heart Burn And Diamond Frost

I'm working on a new story...It's a combo of Juno and Sweet Valley High.
It's about a twin sisters named; Claire and Claudia Dahl.

Claire is the smart one, wiser one and kinder one. Whereas, Claudia is the partying type, snobby and often judging people on their looks then personalities. They have an older sister, Candice and live with their father, Gordan and their young stepmother Kate, whose from England. It will be written from the third person point of view and focuses on Claire and Claudia's lives.

There is alot of serious topics in the seires, example; teenage pregnancy, drug abuse, physical abuse, teenage suicide and depression, homosexuality, to name a few thing that I will be writing about.

I will post up "Judith's Story" soon. I hope you enjoy.

My oldest nephew is coming over for the night.

Tomorrow I see J. And were going on a walk.
I'm going ask about where to get my taxes done. And about PWD, again. I am not sure, if I'm going to be applying for it or what. I was so tired when I talked to K.

Right now I'm listening to Pink Floyd's The Wall and writing out some of my new story series.

I'm going to go now, type some more.

Until Next Time..

My Favourites Week 5

My favourite non-ficitonal (Biography) books. And who it is about. And it is not in order.

Markis, how many these have you read?


My Favourite Top 20 Non-Fiction( Biography) Books

1.And I Don't Want To Live This Life by Deborah Spungen (It's about Nancy Spungen)
2. Sometimes Madness Is Wisdom by Kendall Taylor (It's about Zelda Fitzgerald)
3. Heavier Than Heaven By Charles R. Cross (It's about Kurt Cobain)
4.No One Here Gets Out Alive By Jerry Hopkins (It's about Jim Morrison)
5. Me And My Shadows By Lorna Luft (It's about herself and her mother, Judy Garland)
6.Norma Jean By Fred Lawrence Guiles (It's about Marilyn Monroe)
7. Chaplin By David Robinson (It's about Charlie Chaplin)
8. America's Sweetheart By Scott Eyman (It's about Mary Pickford)
9. Memoirs By Pierre Elliot Trudeau (It's about himself)
10. A Mordern Rebel By Brian J.Robb (It's about Johnny Depp)
11. Enfante Terrible By Robert Emmet Long (It's about Truman Capote)
12. The Life By Philip Norman (It's about John Lennon)
13. Hitler By J.Fest (It's about Adolf Hitler)
14.The Rise And Fall By Retha Warnicke (It's about Anne Boleyn)
15. The Six Wives Of Henry VIII By David Starkey (It's about the wives of Henry VIII)
16. The Reluctant Superstar By Diana Maychick (It's about Meryl Streep)
17. Mommie Dearest By Christina Crawford (It's about her mother, Joan Crawford)
18. Dark Victory By Ed Sikov (It's about Bette Davis)
19.Her Husband By Diane Middlebrooke (It's about Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath)
20. Love: The Real Story By Poppy Z. Brite (It's about Courtney Love)

Random Survey #2

75 Questions

1. First thing you wash in the shower? Body

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? White

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Of course

4.Do you plan outfits? No

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? A little sad

6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? My candy peaches have red on them

7. Do you say aim or a-i-m? I say "Aim"

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? I gave birth to two girls one in October and other in May, but the month was December, I was sucked through a window and fought with my sister about losing my baby to the galaxy. Weird, I know.

9. Did you meet anybody new today? No

10. What are you craving right now? Nothing

11. Do you floss? No

12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? Rolls

13. When was the last time you talked on AIM? Two years ago

14. Are you emotional? Very

15. Would you dance to the taco song? No

16. Have you ever counted to 1,000? No

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? Lick it

18. Do you like your hair? Not the colour

19. Do you like yourself? No, but I want too

20. Have you ever met a celebrity? Yes, Micheal J. Fox, I was in a commerical with him

21. Do you like cottage cheese? Yes

22. What are you listening to right now? Inside Actors Studio W/James Lipton

23. How many countries have you visited? Just the USA

24. Are your parents strict? I'm the baby, they were so laidback for me

25. Would you go sky diving? No

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Only if I was offered World Peace as an outcome

27. Would you throw potatoes at Bush? Yes

28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? Candle Stick

29. Have you ever been in a castle? Yes, at the Enchanted Forest

30. Do you rent movies often? No

31. Who would sit in behind you in your math class? It was normally Joe Sagetti and Daryl Lamb or Britany Koly and her friends

32. Have you made a prank phone call? Yes, tons

33. Do you own a gun? No, I dont think that would be wise

34. Can you count backwards from 74? Yep

35. Who are you going to be with tonight? My mom

36. Brown or white eggs? Does it matter?

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? Nope

38. Ever been on a train? Yes

39. Ever been in love? I dont know

40. Do you have a cell-phone? No

41. Are you too forgiving? Depends

42. Do you use chap stick? No

43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow? I'll probably call her and we'll do something

44. Can you use chop sticks? No

45. Ever have Viva Puffs? Yes

46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? Yes, good movie

47. What was the last question you asked? "Where are my pills?"

48. What was the last CD you bought? Oh gosh...Umm Pink Floyd Darkside of the Moon

49. Boys or girls? Boys

50. What was/is your bus number for school? Was 3451

51. Is your hair curly? Yes

52. Last time you cried? 2 Weeks ago

53. Ever walked into a wall? No, but a sliding glass door and I ran into it holding my kitten C-Fer

54. Do looks matter? Depends

55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun? No

56. Have you ever slapped someone? Yes

57. Favorite time of the year? May and October

58. Favorite color? All shades of purples and blues

59. Are you sarcastic? Not really

60. Do you have any tattoos? No

61. The last person you held hands with? Xavier

62. Do you sleep with the TV on? No

63. Where was your default picture taken at? At home

64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? No

65. Do you like your life right now? Yes

66. How often do you talk on the phone? Hardly ever

67. What is your favorite animal? Cats

68. What was the most recent thing you bought? Candy

69. Do you have good vision? Yes

70. Can you hula hoop? Yes

71. Could you ever forgive a cheater? No

72. Do you have a job? No

73. Can you handle the truth? Depend

74. What are you wearing? Grey sweats and grey shirt

75. Have you ever crawled through a window? Yes

Random Survey #1

Random Survey #1

1. What is more difficult: looking into someones eyes when telling how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they tell you how they feel? Both

2. Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry? I was being misunderstood

3. You will die in three minutes. Last call? My Dad

4. If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be? I would Write or wish for love

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love. Trust

6. You are walking to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time youre fired. Do you save the dog? Yes

7. Would you or have you ever blackmailed someone? No

8. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you do it? I would give a day

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? Yes

10. Does sex=love? No

11. Are you old fashioned? Somewhat

12. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Yes

13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back? Hmmm, tell someone I loved them

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? My freedom

15. Romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Never have

16. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you have "no regrets" what would you change? I would have said goodbye to my Grandma Joyce

17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? My Mom

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? I know this is going to awful, but it would really depend.

19. You are holding onto your grandmother's dying hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other which one would it be? I would let go of my Grandma's

20. When and how was the last time you told someone how you REALLY feel? Ha, Never, Its hard for me to put my emotions into the right words. I just get fusterated. I can't cope.

If You had three months to live:
21. Do you tell anyone or everyone you are going to die? I would only those who mattered the most

22. What do you do with your remaining days? Drug Binge

23. Would you be afraid? Yes

Test Results from Lets101 Quizzes

Lets101 Quizzes - Blog Quiz

Lets101 Quizzes - Fun Quiz

Lets101 - Free Online Dating

Sagittarius

Lets101 Quizzes - Quizzes for Fun

Mango Tango

I'm going to post my favourite of non-fiction books later on.

Currently I am working on another story called "My Hero", which is about a young 32 year old officer named, Owen Turner, whose on duty when a young 21 year old girl name Elysha Moore, the girl is thankful for his help and proceeds to ask him out to lunch. She quickly starts email him on Facebook, call him at work, moves into his building, stalks his wife, 30 year old, Michelle and his 6 year old daughter, Kella and 9 year old son, Beckett. She starts telling people that she and Owen are romantic, and post personal and expcilt things on his FB account. The story grows and grows to the point it ends with a knife, a gun and a dead body.

I'm going to see "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus" tonight.

I was suppose to see "Up" but I was tired and really didnt feel up to it. I feel bad that I didn't go though.

I will post more later.

Until Next time.

To Bother Or Not To Bother

I watched the SAG Awards tonight, happy with some of the winners.

I'm going to talk to my mental health workers about being taken off Seroquel.
It's not helping me at all.
I'm to sleepy in the morning/afternoons and have sleep disturbances all night long.

I really hope I can be put on something else or just stay on the Risperidone.

I dunno.

I normally wouldn't blog about the medication or my mental health issues, but I'm just venting until I get sleepy. I took the medication at 8: 30, its now 11:15.

I just want a pill that will help me, A: Fall asleep B: Stay asleep and C: Not have drowsiness all day long.

At first it, the seroquel, worked, now its not.
For some odd reason.

I'm going to email K and tell her about it.
Hopefully she reads it in time before our appointment Monday at 9:30.

I just took another Seroquel, making my intake 3, instead of 2.

I'm just going to drink coffee tomorrow morning if I ever fall asleep.

I dont know what else to blog about.....

The nephews were over. The visit was well.

I might just go lay down again and hope that I'll drift off to sleep.

I doubt it.

I'll be asleep by 2am I hope.

Anyways, I feel like I am whining.

Until Next Time.

Watermelon Jolly Farmer

My nephews are over for the night.

I bleached my hair to get it to a blond shade.

And it kinda worked its like a strawberry blond colour.
Its ok looking.

Next month it should go to the shade I want.

Anyways, on Monday I see K.
I think were going on a walk or something. I hope its nice out for that.

I really want chocolate milk, with chili. I really want chili.
And nacho chips...Ever have that...Delish.

I put a hold on "Eclipse".
I really didn't like the Twilight series, especially "New Moon", but I'm going to buy the series for when I have nothing to read and "Twilight" was ok.
I really dont remember much of the last two books anyways.
I think what I did like was the romantic escapism.

I have some fudge, which is good. But I can't eat it until the Nephews go home.

I haven't really taken my weight loss seriously.
I will asap.

I wish I had a way a scale to see how much weight I've lost/gained.
I really need to do something about my extra flub, I gained by sitting on my behind.

I'm sure I will be skinner, by December.

Anyways, thats all I have to report on.
Until next time.

My Favourites, Week 4

I'm going to a top 20 FICTION books I've read and recommend to read at least once.

NOTE: And its not in order at all. (aLSo this isnt my faves in order, just a list of I'm going to a top 20 FICTION books I've read and recommend to read at least once.)
Week 5 will be the top 20 non-fiction/biography books

Makris, how many of these have you read?

Tony, I'm sorry "Twilight"/Stephanie Meyer and the other books in that series and by her did not make my list, please don't make an issue out it. It's only good "romantic" escapism. That's it!

These are book I've read, enjoyed and recommend, I will also post the age I read and re-read them at too in brackets.

Top 20 Fiction Books I've Read

1. And Then There Were None By Agatha Christie (I was 18)
2. Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas By Hunter S. Thompson (I was 15, re-read it at 22)
3. The Giver By Lois Lowery (I was 9, re-read it at 21)
4. Among The Hidden By Margaret Peterson Haddix (I was 11)
5. Where the Red Fern Grows By Wilson Rawls (I was 10)
6. For Whom The Bell Tolls By Ernest Hemingway (I was 19)
7. To Kill A Mockingbird By Harper Lee (I was 12, re-read it at 18)
8. Of Mice And Men By John Steinbeck (I was 20)
9. Romeo And Juliet By William Shakespeare (I was 10, re-read it at 13, 16, 19, and 21)
10. The Godfather By Mario Puzo (I was 12, re-read it at 20)
11. Carrie By Stephen King (I was 13, re-read it at 17)
12. Ella Enchanted By Gail Carson Levine (I was 9, re-read it at 12 and 16)
13. The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe By C.S Lewis (I was 8, re-read it at 18)
14. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland & Through The Looking Glass By Lewis Caroll (I was 11)
15. The Five People You Meet In Heaven By Mitch Albom ( I was 20)
16. Flowers For Algernon By Daniel Keyes (I was 17, re-read at 21)
17. Lamb By Christopher Moore (I was 19)
18. The Shining By Stephen King (I was 12)
19. The Beautiful And Damned By F. Scott Fitzgerald (I was 21, re-read at 22)
20. Selected Tales By Edgar Allan Poe (I was 19)

For the Freaks Sake

Here's a quick update on me.

Today I went to my sisters for a bit, so she could shop for mom.
Went home at noonish.

Worked on a short story called "If This House Would Talk: Judy's Story", which is set in 1960, in a fictional town of so many thousands of people. A sixteen year old, named Judith "Judy" Keller is pregnant and her life after telling everyone the news. She marries the father, and their marriage falls apart before the birth of their child.
The second story is called "If These Walls Would Talk: Lydia's story". It the same house only now the year is 1985.
And their is a third too, set in 2010.
I got the idea from "If These Walls Could Talk".
But mine is about teen pregnancy and not abortion or lesbianism.

Anyways, moving along..

After that Mom and I walked over to our favourite Bookstore; I bought "New Moon" to add to my "Twilight" book, and "Chariots of the Gods", I didn't even look at the astrology section or Chicken Soup. After that we went to Coopers, then the Dollarstore, then home.

I recently cut and dyed my hair.

The haircut looks nice....the dye job doesn't.

I like being blond. Not brown. I feel I'm a blond and not a brunette.

Mom's buying more dye on Monday.

Hmmm, what else?

I've been watching "The Golden Girls" alot, lately.

I really like it. Always have.

Anyways thats all that I have to share for today.

Boring, I know.

Until next time.

Favourites Week 3

It's 1:50am and I can't sleep.

So!

I'm going to a list of my top 20 favourite Actors. (This is in order)

1. Johnny Depp
2. Heath Ledger
3. Tom Hanks
4. Dustin Hoffman
5. Sir Ben Kingsley
6. Brad Pitt
7. Philip Seymour Hoffman
8. Robert Downey Jr
9. Jack Nicholson
10. Sir Anthony Hopkins
11.Robin Williams
12. Robert DeNiro
13. Morgan Freeman
14. John Travolta
15. Liam Neeson
16.Tim Curry
17. Leoardo Dicaprio
18. Geoffrey Rush
19. Russell Crowe
20. Sean Penn

Pointlessness of the Quizzes

I did this back in 2006 and got Tenderheart Bear.

In 2010 I got

	Bedtime Bear You are usually asleep on the job but that's okay because your job is to make sure everyone gets enough sleep! You're shy and sweet...when you are actually awake! Getting sleepy already?
Take the Which Care Bear Are You? Quiz!

Blast From the Past

Here are some poem's I wrote in 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008. I really don't know what I was thinking or on...Anyways enjoy. Some are really dark.

~One Day~
One day I've somehow found you,
Where do you lie?
Do you know what it is like to want to die?
Your eyes are stronger with each passing day,
One day you'll see how deeply you meant to me.
One day you'll look back and cry.
One day because of you I'll die.
Someday we both won't be alive.
Then I find you.
Please do not cry.
Like me you'll give up and die.

~Apple Pie~
He ran home with hope in his eyes,
he skipped through the door,
Not noticing the faint cries,
That came from the upstairs floor,
He ate up all the apple pie,
Then looked for her,
He followed sounds that poured,
Only to be shaken to the depths of his inner core,
His room filled in blood and gore,
His young mother lay dead upon his bedroom floor,
The hope in his eyes turned into cries,
The day she died upon his floor.

~The Man~
He walked alone,
Searching for a phone,
He truly needed to get home,
He walked and stopped only to see the same store,
Much to his own horror,
He waited on the side,
To see if he could find a ride,
Giving up he started to yell,
To cause much hell,
No one stared,
For they did not care,
He looked in the store window,
Only to see the reflection of the distant rainbow,
For you see the man was no more.

~Midnight~
The thoughts of Midnight linger,
Sometimes isn't always Morning glory,
To be honest the Afternoon is completely boring,
I wrap myself in the Evening dress of sorrow,
As I wait for tomorrows fury.

~Morning Glory~
Something sparkles in the moon,
Somehow darkness the red sun,
Oh bleeding midnight roar,
Shine in your sisters evening dress,
Sleep well,
Good mourning, Miss Glory.

~ Annaleigh and Mary-Sue~
I knew that this day would come,
I knew that this day would be here,
And all I can think about is her,
All I wanted was her,
Instead I'm marrying a loser,
Just another poser,
I wish it was her,
I wish it wasn't such a sunny day,
I could hide forever,
With her,
Forever and be saved from heartache,
For everyday I've seen,
No more then no less of her face is sheer beauty,
She alone is my focus,
I cry for her,
But she is long gone,
She is now married and I'm here,
I want us to be free,
Instead I'll be freed by the sea.

~Master Death~
Up we go,
The fun is begining,
Jump down now,
you're slowly bleeding,
Hold you're breath,
Your skin turning a deep blue,
close your eyes,
then you will die.

~Dead Sunset ~
Dead as the sunrise,
Hopeless, So helpless.
Not dead? Not so late?
I'm in this grave, Here to stay.
So what if I'm Antisocial.
So long,
Oh so long.
Watching me fade today.
I'm Dead,
So cold in the morning.
Ghostly past attacks,
It burns me with them,
I wont leave this region.
None of us make it out alive.
I don't want the rest.
Unbred in the begining,
Boundless, So Graveless.
Not Foresaid?
Not so Great?
In this I forgave.
So what if I'm so Antisocial.
So Long, Oh so long.
Such an great actress, So fake, I ache.
I burn him with it,
I wont let him go.
I cant leave this reject.
We wont make it out alive.
I just wanna rest.

Fear and Loathing In Room 108

I watched the rest of History Channel's Anicent Aliens. I'm convinced aliens exsist.

Like 100% convinced.

"God" is nothing more then an E.T. An alien being.

Other then that, I find religions sick.

Disturbing, even.

And to think I was not only Baptised, I was Christend also.

Seriously, when I was born my mom had me baptised as a Catholic, a church she dispites and later had me Christend as a Lutheran, I believe.

Anyways....

My day was spent as follows:

I went to the library got "Fear and Loathing Las Vegas" By Hunter S. Thompson, "Chicken Soup For the Soul: What I Learned from the Cat" series by Jack Canfield and "The Beautiful and Damned" By F. Scott Fitzgerald, after that I headed over to the Dollar Store with Treymae, someone asked me if I actually call my mom this and I do. I give weird names to everything like I cats Swe-Swe's, anyways we got a bunch of junk food. I then went to London Drug's to get a refill on my prescription. Saw Kelly, watched the History Channel's Ancient Aliens and blogged about it.

That was my day summed up.

It's funny. I wanna lose 5 to 10 lbs a month and I get up at like 11am and am like "It's to late to exercise. I'll do it tomorrow." And I never do. Then I'll eat marshmellows and other junk foods.

I am suppose to be at least 115lbs. Not fat.

If I am fat at 23, I will seriously lose it, as in my mind.

I get weird visuals often about stabbing myself just to remove the fat.

I know its unhealthy to think that way, but I can't help it.

I've always had weight issues, like when I was 12 or 13 and weighted 105lbs I thought I was fat.

I can seriously seeing my losing the weight only to become afraid of gaining it back.

Mom said something similar.

I think I would starve myself if I knew for a fact I could lose a pound that way.

And somedays, food makes me sick. To touched, eat it, anything. And it tastes funny too.

Normally this would be followed by other things too, but I am not going to get into that.

Anyways...enough said its 3 am now and I am really tired, but I have a feeling I wont sleep until later. I think I'll watch a movie...

Until Next Time.

The Legend of Zelda, Part 2

Life in France and Obsession(1924-1929)

After arriving in France in the Spring of 1924, the Fitzgeralds settled on the French Rivera for their new home. While Scott starting work on the "The Great Gatsby", Zelda started up an affair. The man was named Edouard Jozan, who was a pilot.

Zelda was in love with Jozan. She would spend almost all her time with him. Weither she was swimming in the river or dancing at casinos. Zelda was with him. If this bother Scott, it did not happen right away. But when it must have when Zelda demand a divorce.

About six or seven weeks into their affair Zelda knew she had married the wrong man and demanded a divorce from Scott. For his part, Scott wanted to confront Jozan, but decide instead to lock Zelda in their house instead.

Its reported that Jozan had no idea that Zelda asked for a divorce and left France. Zelda abandoned her request for divorce. The Fitzgeralds never spoke of or saw Jozan again. After the affair the Fitzgeralds kept up appearances with their friends, as a happy couple.

The happiness was only a front for Zelda, who would overdose on sleeping pills in September 1924. After getting Zelda medical attention, Scott never asked if it was a suicide attempt. And if anyone knew it, it was only Zelda, herself.

By the end of 1924, Scott returned working on "The Great Gatsby", completing it. During this time, Zelda spent most of her time with Scottie and her nanny. Scott fretted over the name of his new novel. He wanted to call it "The High-bouncing Lover". It was actually Zelda who suggested "The Great Gatsby".

They agreed they need time to celebrated and went to Rome. There, the Fitzgeralds, appeared unhappy and unhealthy. Friends were worried. Scott became ill with colitis. During this stay is when Zelda started to paint again.

In April 1925 Scott met upcoming author Ernest Hemingway and the two hit off. Zelda and Hemingway deeply loathed one and other from the moment they met. Zelda would often call him "The Bogus" and would say "He's a phoney as a rubber cheek.".

Zelda felt Hemingway's macho persona was fake and Hemingway told Scott, Zelda was a complete nut job and that he should divorce her. However it was through Ernest Hemingway that they met people such as Gertrude Stein, Alice B. Toklas, Robert McAlmon and many others.

In early 1926, Zelda found condoms, Scott had hid and a bitter fight ensued. Scott stopped sleeping with Zelda when she accused him of having an affair with Hemingway. She told everyone that Scott was a fairy. Their is no proof of Zelda's words ever being true.

Shortly after their fight, that Scott slept with a prostitute. Zelda, who had a deep and passionate love affair with Jozan, became deeply jealous. She would make scenes when Scott woud leave on his own business. During a party she caught Scott talking to famous dancer, Isadora Duncan. Zelda became so jealous and upset Scott wasn't pay any attention to her, she threw herself down a flight of marbel stairs.

Scott used a lot of Zelda's words and writings in his own work, whenever she would try and get his attetion while working they would have blow out fights. Their marriage was sad to watch. Scott was starting to become severe alcoholic, Zelda's behavior was becoming noticably erratic and strange. Once during a fit of hysteria, Zelda had to be given morphine to settle down.

In 1927, Zelda decided to take up ballet again. She so badly want to be known for something she did herself and nothing to do with her name as "Mrs. F. Scott Fitzgerald". Her talents varied from friend to friend. But all could agree that Zelda did have some talent. Scott considered her ballet interest as a complete waste of time.

Although she had a few classes with Madame Egorova, director for Diaghilev’s Ballet Russes. Zelda would practise when she did not have classes with Egorova. So much that Scott changed studies due to Zelda's obsessive dancing. Zelda would get up at 5am, have a small breakfest and dance non-stop until dinnertime. Sometimes she would not eat at all and only dance until midnight.

Egorova felt that a dancer at Zelda's age was to old to be a first-rate dancer. Zelda once described her obsession as an effort to “drive the devils that had driven her…in proving herself she would achieve that peace which she imagined went only in surety of one’s self.”.

By 1929, Zelda was invited to join the ballet school of the San Carlo Opera Ballet Company in Naples, but close as this was to the success she desired, she declined, thinking she would be recongized as great ballerina. Scott told her it was all in her head.

Her marriage to Scott was strained more then ever during this time and were often fighting and unable to stand one and other. Friends were not inviting them to parties anymore and when they would, the Fitzgerald would be a complete embarassment with their antics. Scott and Zelda were falling apart.

Save Me the Waltz
(1930-1932)

As 1930 started, Zelda's behavour was bizarre and odd. By Spring she begun to believe people were going to harm her if she was alone in the streets and would have Scottie's nanny or the maid go with her shopping.

By April, she thought she could hear flowers talking to her. One afternoon, while having tea with friends, Zelda became so upset stating she was late for a ballet class with Egorova. Worried, Scott had a friend go with her. Zelda jumped out the taxi, she and the friend took, she was hysterical running down the streets screaming. The friend called Scott, who called a Doctor.

Zelda, who again was given morphine, was admitted to a local sanatorium for hysteria. While being treated there, Scott paid for the best medical care for her. After months of interviewing Zelda, her two psychiatrist could agree on what was wrong with her. Zelda had schizophrenia.

She was finally released from Pragins, in September 1931. During this time Judge Sayre was ill and dying. So the Fitzgeralds returned to Montgomery, Alabama. Shortly after arriving Judge Sayre passed away. While she was griving her fathers loss, Scott announced that he was leaving for Hollywood to do some work. Zelda's health deteriorated.

In Feburary 1932, Zelda returned to living in a psychiatric clinic. While being treated there, Zelda had a burst of creativy. Told she could no longer dance, put enegry into something else. The first six weeks of being in the hospital, Zelda wrote a novel. She had it sent to Scott's publisher, Maxwell Perkins.

Perkins, sent the novel to Scott, who was livid with Zelda. The book was a semi-autobiographical account of Zelda's life and of course, the Fitzgeralds marriage. Scott berated her writing skills as amaturstic, "A third-rate writer". Scott was writing another novel and wanted to use some material for his story. Zelda, had more right using her life story then her husband. Scott forgot this.

After revising the novel and settling on a name for it. "Save Me the Waltz" was released in early October 1932. The story was about Alabama Beggs, who falls in love with a painter named David Knight. They gain fame, crashed and burn, much like the Fitzgeralds. Zelda the writer, had her own unique style, which many would praise her for.

However in 1932, the Great Depression was strong and "Save Me the Waltz" sold only 1,392 copies, for which she earned $120.73. Scott went as far as to call his wife's work as "plagiaristic" and told Zelda, she had no talent as a writer. Overall Zelda never completed another novel again.

I Am A Salamander(1933-1940)

Zelda's life after the failure of her only novel, she spent most of the mid-1930's in and out of hospitals. She gained little fame when her artwork was exhibited in 1934. Her artwork was of mostly of dancers, who appeared with swollen joints, deformed legs and distorted bodies that they lacked gender.

People took to Zelda's art like they took to "Save Me the Waltz". Zelda was again, crushed. By 1935, she was becoming violent and reclusive. Scott had her place in Highland Hospital in early 1936. Scott returned to Hollywood with a $1,000 deal with MGM.

By 1937, Zelda was still in a psychiatric hospital and Scott was having an affair with movie columnist, Sheliah Graham. Scott, still loved and took care of Zelda's medical care, making sure she got the best and most modern treatment known at that time for her disorder.

In 1938, Scottie, who was now 16 and a half, was thrown out of her boarding school. Scott blamed Zelda. He blamed Zelda for nearly everything; she had ruined him, she made him exhaust his talents (actually it was his own demons that did this). Overall he believed had been cheated of his dream by Zelda. As for Scottie, she was quickly accepted in to Vassar College.

Later that year Scott and Sheliah had a bitter and blow out fight. Scott returned to North Carolina. The Fitzgerald's agreed to go Cuba. The trip was a complete disater. Scott was beaten up when he tried to stop a cockfight. When they returned to the US, he was so intoxicated and exhausted that he was hospitalized. This was the last time they would ever see each other again.

Zelda was deeply concerned for Scott, but nonetheless she return to the hospital. Scott spend his time in Hollywood and with Graham. Zelda was never aware of the affair, but did suspect something was wrong. In early 1940, after 4 years in the hospital, Zelda was deemed recovered and released. 1940 would be hard year for both Scott and Zelda.

Scott was told he had tuberculosis, he spent most of 1940 resting and drunk. Zelda spent most of the year alone and wanting to be with Scott who didn't want her in California due to his affair with Graham, but did miss her. Zelda and Scott wrote each other daily.

In mid-December, Scott had a serious dizzy spell after seeing a movie and commented "They think I'm drunk, don't they?". The next day on Decemeber 21, Scott had a serious heart attack and shortly afterward, he died. Scott was only 44 years old. Zelda, was beside herself with grief, but did not attend the funeral. Scottie, their only child together, did.

Life after Scott and Death(1941-1948)

After Scott's death, Zelda and Scottie were both taken care of by his will. All of Zelda's medical care was taken care of, and Scottie's schooling as well. It is claimed he left nothing to Sheliah Graham, his misteress.

While going through Scott's things, Zelda found the manuscript Scott was working on prior to his death. It was titled "The Love of the Last Tycoon". Zelda sent it to Edmund Wilson to have it published.

After reading the manuscript and sending it off, Zelda decided to start working on a novel, she called it "Caesar's Things". In 1943, Scottie married Samuel Jackson "Jack" Lanahan. Zelda did not help plan her daughter's wedding, nor did she attend the service. Scottie sadden that neither of her parent could attend her wedding, she was happy however that Zelda chose to stay away.

Zelda returned to Highland Hospital in mid-1943, after living with her mother in Montgomery. She would spend the rest of her life in and out of the hosptial. While there she tried to work on her novel. She never would complete it. In 1945, Zelda became a grandmother, when Scottie gave birth to a son, Thomas "Tim" in April. Zelda would be blessed with a granddaughter, Eleanor in Janurary 1948.

At midnight on March 10, 1948 a serious electrical fire broke out in the hospital kitchen. It traveled to the dumbwaiter shaft, spreading to every floor. The fire escape was made of wood and caught fire as well. After the blaze was contanted, 9 woman patients died. Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald was one of them. She was only 47 years old.

Zelda was lead to rest with the man who made her a famous icon of the 1920's, F. Scott Fitzgerald on March 16, 1948. Inscribed on their tombstone is the final sentence of The Great Gatsby: "So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past".


Aftermath: The Legend of Zelda(1949-2010)

After the death of her mother, Scottie had 2 more children; another boy, Micheal born in 1949 and girl, Cecilia in 1951. Her parenting skills were no better then her parents. However Scottie would cook and clean, unlike her mother. Would try to parent her children, but enjoyed working more.

Scottie became a well known writer and journalist. However her marriage ended in divorce when she and Jack were living separate lives and seeing other people. Scottie remarried in the mid-1960's to Grove Smith. That marriage to ended in divorce by 1980.

Sadly, Scottie passed down the mental illness gene from Zelda to her oldest son, Tim. Tim was bright boy, who was deeply troubled. Kicked out of the army in 1975, he later committed suicide that year. He was only 27. Scottie always blamed herself and her mother for this.

On June 16, 1986 at the age of 64, Frances Scott Fitzgerald-Lanahan-Smith aka Scottie died. At the time she was living in her mother's hometown of Montgomery, Alabama. She was a beloved and well-known part of the community. Many there attended her funeral. Her oldest daughter wrote her biography, which was released in 1995 called "Scottie: The Daughter of..."


Zelda became an icon of the feminist movement in the 1970's. She was seen as a woman whose unappreciated potential had been suppressed by male society and by a controlling husband. She was also compared with Sylvia Plath, whose married life to Ted Hughes was somewhat similar to her own.

In the 1980's game creator Shigeru Miyamoto was fascinated by Zelda so much, he chose her name as lead female character and title of his game base in the world of Hyrule. That game would be know as "The Legend of Zelda". Princess Zelda features are based on the real Zelda.

In 1989, the F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald museum opened in Montgomery, Alabama. The museum is in a house they briefly lived in 1931 and 1932. The museum is one of the few places where some of Zelda's paintings are kept on display.

A British musical called, The Beautiful and Damned, with a book by Kit Hesketh Harvey and music and lyrics by Les Reed and Roger Cook opened in London in 2004 with Helen Anker as Zelda.

In 2005, composer Frank Wildhorn and lyricist Jack Murphy premiered their musical, "Waiting for the Moon" in Marlton, New Jersey. The musical starred Lauren Kennedy as Zelda. The show mostly centered upon Zelda's point of view, and featured a lot of dancing.

In 2009 a movie was shot about Zelda's life. The flim will be called "The Beautiful and The Damned". It set to be released sometime in late 2010 or early 2011. It will star Keira Knightly as Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald.

Zelda lives on in Scott's brave, heroic lead female characters of Nicole, Gloria, Daisy, and Rosamond. And in her own novel, she lives on in Alabama Beggs-Knight.

Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald is the one of the most enduring, tragic, and legendary figures of the Jazz Age. As Zelda said to Scott in 1919, before they were married, “Why should graves make people feel in vain? Somehow I can’t find anything hopeless in having lived.”

The Legend of Zelda, Part 1

Early Life in Montgomery (1900-1918)

Zelda Sayre was born in Montgomery, Alabama on July 24, 1900 at 5:40am to Judge Anthony Sayre and his wife Minevra "Minnie" Sayre, Zelda's named was chosen after her mother read the novels, "Zelda: A Tale of the Massachusetts Colony" and "Zelda's Fortune", in which the character "Zelda" is a gypsy, in both stories.

Zelda was the sixith (two died in infancy) and youngest child of Judge Sayre and Minnie, she was spoiled and doted upon by her mother, yet her father - Justice of the Supreme Court of Alabama and one of Alabama's leading jurists- was stern, remote and strict man.

As child, Zelda was extremely outgoing and active, even tomboyish. She took dancing lessions with ballet, which would go on into her adult life and would later become her tragic obsession. In 1914, Zelda started attending Sidney Lainer High School. Although highly intellegent, Zelda had no interest in schoolwork and was more interested in socializing. Developing a repution, Zelda drank, smoked and dated many boys, spending time alone with them also. Her saving grace was her last name and her father's respect around town.

In an interview Zelda had with the local newpaper she was quoted as to only care for "boys and swimming". Having an appetite for attention, actively seeking to flout convention—whether by learning the African-American dance known as the "Charleston", or by wearing a tight, flesh-colored bathing suit to fuel rumors that she swam nude. To sum it up, Zelda was shocking to those around her. Her only competition was her friend and future Hollywood scarlet, Tallulah Bunkhead.

Zelda graduated High School in May/June of 1918, her ethos was encapsulated beneath her High School graduation photo: "Why should all life be work, when we all can borrow. Let's think only of today, and not worry about tomorrow."

Meeting, Courtship and Engagment to F. Scott Fitzgerald (1918-1920)

Shortly after graduation in July of 1918, just prior to her 18th birthday, Zelda Sayre would meet the man she would forever in history be tied with: F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Born Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald on September 24, 1896 at 3:31pm in St.Paul, Minnesota. He was named after his second cousin twice removed, Francis Scott Key, but was always called "Scott" by his family and friends. In 1917, he sold his first poem and dropping out of Princeton, where he known as a terrible student.

He enlisted to join in WWI, but the war shortly ended after he joined. He was commissioned as Second Lieutenant in the army and was sent to Camp Sheridan in Montgomery, Alabama in June of 1918.

While performing "The Dance of the Hours" the soon-to-be 18 year old Zelda Sayre caught the attention of the 21 year old, army Lieutenant F. Scott Fitzgerald. She too was enchanted by him, saying later: "There seemed to be some heavenly support beneath his shoulder blades that lifted his feet from the ground in ecstatic suspension, as if he secretly enjoyed the ability to fly but was walking as a compromise to convention".

Scott would call her daily and would visit Zelda on his days off. He was so infatuated with Zelda, he would tell her of his dreams of being famous and even allowed the 18 year old to read bits of his upcoming story. His character Rosalind Connage, is modeled after Zelda, as many more would be. He told Zelda that "the heroine does resemble you in more ways than four". Zelda was more than his muse—after showing Scott her personal diary, he used verbatim excerpts in his novel, some of which is taken directly from her journals.

Much to his dismay, Fitzgerald was not the only man courting Zelda Sayre. And this competition for Zelda's affections, only drove Scott to want her more. In his ledger that he maintained throughout his life, he noted on September 7, 1918 that he had fallen passionately in love with her. For Zelda, she wasn't in love yet. But with time she too would be in love with him. A biographer of couple stated "Scott had appealed to something in Zelda which no one before him had perceived: a romantic sense of self-importance which was kindred to his own".

Their romance was interrupted in October 1918, Scott was send North, believing to be on his way to France, was instead assigned to Camp Mills, Long Island. By December 1918, he was sent back to Montgomery. From then on Zelda and Scott were passionately inseparable; Scott would later describe their behavior as "sexual recklessness". By Valentine's day in 1919, Scott was discharged from the Army and left for New York City, in hopes to be published.

They wrote each other frequently and by March 1919, Scott sent Zelda his mother's ring and the two became engaged. However Zelda's family and close friends disliked Scott. What they disliked was his drinking problem and the fact he was Catholic; they were Episcopalian. Despite being "engaged", Zelda still flirted with other men. And even went as far to accept a romantic gesture, a pin from a man at Georgia Tech.

When Zelda would returned the pin to the man at Georgia Tech, she claims she accidently mailed to Scott instead. They fought over the pin. Scott pleaded with her to marry him, Zelda refused and broke up with him. She returned to her normal life in Montgomery and Scott worked on his novel and looking for a publisher.





Marriage, Fame and Baby Make Three (1920-1923)

By September 1919, Scott completed his novel, which he entitled "This Side of Paradise". It was accepted quickly with publication by Scribner and Sons. Learning of his novel's publication, Scott stated to Editor Maxwell Perkins "I have so many things dependent on its success, including of course a girl".

In November 1919, he returned to Montgomery, Alabama in hopes of marrying Zelda Sayre.
For her part, Zelda, who probably did not believe him, agreed to marry him once the novel was published. He, in return, promised to bring her to New York with "all the iridescence of the beginning of the world".

And so on March 26, 1920 "This Side of Paradise" was released to the public. As promised of its publication, Zelda arrived in New York on March 30. And on April 3, 1920, before a small wedding party in St.Patrick's Cathedral, they were finally married. Zelda was now Mrs. F. Scott Fitzgerald.

"This Side of Paradise" was huge hit, and they quickly became celebrities of New York, as much for their wild behavior as for the success of Scott's novel. They were ordered to leave both the Biltmore Hotel and the Commodore Hotel for their drunkenness; Zelda and Scott once jumped into the fountain at Union Square; when friend Dorothy Parker first met them, Zelda and Scott were sitting atop a taxi. Parker said, "They did both look as though they had just stepped out of the sun; their youth was striking. Everyone wanted to meet him".

Sadly, their social life was fueled with alcohol; publicly this meant little more than napping when they arrived at parties, but privately it increasingly led to bitter fights. However to their delight, in the pages of the New York newspapers Zelda and Scott had become icons of youth and success— America's Darlings of the Jazz Age.

Although she loved Scott and was proud of his success, Zelda did not want to known simply as "Mrs. F. Scott Fitzgerald". But the strain of being Scott’s muse and the model for a new generation of women put tension on Zelda early in their relationship. Zelda was not content to be idolized simply because she was F.Scott Fitzgerald's wife. She wanted to express herself and be admired through her own merits. She would spend the rest of her life trying to get out of Scott’s shadow.

By mid-Feburary 1921, Scott completed his second novel "The Beautiful and Damned" and for her part, Zelda learned she was pregnant. The couple agreed to have their baby in St.Paul, Minnesota, Scott's place of birth. On October 26,1921, the couple's only child and daughter was born.

As she came to from the anesthesia, Scott recorded Zelda saying, "Oh, God, goofo I'm drunk. Mark Twain? Isn't she smart—Ha ha, she has the hiccups. I hope it's beautiful and a fool—a beautiful little fool." Later in the novel "The Great Gatsby", the character Daisy Buchanan expresses the same hope for her daughter. Many of Zelda's words and experiences found their way into her husbands stories.

Zelda wanted to name her newborn daughter, Patricia Sayre Fitzgerald. Scott wanted to name his newborn daughter after himself, Frances Scott Fitzgerald. Scott's name won. Although she was called "Scottie", Zelda would spend the first 5 years of her daughter's life calling her "Pat".

Now as a mother, Zelda never exactly settled into that role. Instead she hired a nanny, cook and laundress to care for their and Scottie's needs. When Harper & Brothers asked her to contribute to Favorite Recipes of Famous Women, she replied: "See if there is any bacon, and if there is, ask the cook which pan to fry it in. Then ask if there are any eggs, and if so try and persuade the cook to poach two of them. It is better not to attempt toast, as it burns very easily. Also, in the case of bacon do not turn the fire too high, or you will have to get out of the house for a week. Serve preferably on china plates, though gold or wood will do if handy."

In early 1922 Zelda learned she was pregnant again. Her thoughts on her second pregnancy are unknown, but in the first draft of "The Beautiful and Damned", the novel Scott wrote a scene in which the main female character Gloria believes she is pregnant and Anthony suggests she "talk to some woman and find out what's best to be done. Most of them fix it some way".

Cause, Zelda sought out an abortion, this act would cause a strain between her and her husband. Scott wrote in his ledger "Zelda and her abortionist" and "My only son was flushed down the toliet.". Also during this time Zelda's behaviour began to change, but if anyone noticed this, they never said a word until it was to late.

In 1923, as "The Beautiful and Damned" neared publication, Burton Rascoe, editor of the New York Tribune, approached Zelda for an review of Scott's latest work. In her review, she made joking reference to the use of her diaries in Scott's work, but the lifted material became a genuine source of resentment.

Zelda wrote:
"To begin with, every one must buy this book for the following aesthetic reasons: First, because I know where there is the cutest cloth of gold dress for only $300 in a store on Forty-second Street, and also if enough people buy it where there is a platinum ring with a complete circlet, and also if loads of people buy it my husband needs a new winter overcoat, although the one he has has done well enough for the last three years ... It seems to me that on one page I recognized a portion of an old diary of mine which mysteriously disappeared shortly after my marriage, and also scraps of letters which, though considerably edited, sound to me vaguely familiar. In fact, Mr. Fitzgerald—I believe that is how he spells his name—seems to believe that plagiarism begins at home."

This piece led her to get offers from other magazines. In June, a piece by Zelda called "Eulogy on the Flapper", was published in Metropolitan Magazine. Though ostensibly a piece about the decline of the Flapper lifestyle.

Zelda wrote:
"The Flapper awoke from her lethargy of sub-deb-ism, bobbed her hair, put on her choicest pair of earrings and a great deal of audacity and rouge and went into the battle. She flirted because it was fun to flirt and wore a one-piece bathing suit because she had a good figure ... she was conscious that the things she did were the things she had always wanted to do. Mothers disapproved of their sons taking the Flapper to dances, to teas, to swim and most of all to heart."

Zelda continued to write short stories and articles. She helped Scott write the play "The Vegetable", but when it flopped the Fitzgeralds found themselves in debt. Scott wrote short stories furiously to pay the bills, but became burned out and depressed.
By April 1924, the Fitzgerald left for Paris. And their lives would forever change dramatically.

The Way I Was, Before.

I'm back...

I bought some hairstyling thing to day.

I'm thinking of dying my hair brown for 2010.

I look good, blond or brown. But this year screams brown.

I still haven't posted my short story.

I'll get to it soon.

I'm changing my Charlotte and Noah story, again.

Hears a quick update on this:

In 2008, I saw "Twilight" and I thought "Hey, I can do something like that, maybe better?".
So I created an immortal teenage girl of eighteen name Charlotte, who falls in love with a mortal boy, Noah.

Only problem?

I can't write from an older female point of view for some reason. And I wanted Charlotte aka Carly, to be sixteen. Noah became 1,000.

I didn't like it.

Changing it again numberous times, I'm now making Carly a pregnant fifteen year old, who is dating an immort boy, who appears nineteen named Noah, who is 110 years older then Carly.

This is a combo of "Twilight" and "The Secret Life of the American Teenager", of a young secret married couple, who try to live a normal life.
But can't, because of Noah's secret.

The story is written in three parts.

I think it's an Ok idea for a teenage girl series.

I'm still working on my other story and will post it.

I'm really hoping not to talk to Lux for awhile, nothing that he did.
I'm just embarassed over what I did.

My nephew's 3rd birthday was awesome. He got a Mr. and Mrs. Potatohead from Treymae (his grandmother).

Her poem went as:

"Hey who took my Boo,
I turned around and there was you.
Wait a minute!
Now I see,
You were two and now you're three."

Treymae always does these.

She did one for me when I was a small baby.
She doesn't recall it now.

Anyways, I'm done for now

Until Next Time.

UPDATE:
I changed the story again. I'm no longer working on it and rather taking a short break from it and working on various short stories. Some which I will be posting on here.

Just Another Place Of My Pace

I'm still going to post a short story called "The Shattered Pieces of the Lost Generation", about a twenty year old baby vamp (an good looking girl) named Lillian McLeish and her life in 1925. The story start as the New Year begins and as the year 1925 ends on New Years Eve.

Aside from that, I'm talking to Lux again. Things between us will never change...or will they?
He's a sweet guy. I just adore him to bits. I do treasure his most kind positive words.

Other news!

My ear is improving.

Hoorah!

Treymae is watching "From Hell", I'm chatting with Lux.

Tomorrow is my oldest nephew's 3rd birthday. So I wont be posting anything until the 6th of this month.

Nothing interesting going on in my life. I worked out today, and am cutting sugary foods from my diet.

Soon I will be fit and happy.

Soon!

Until next time.

Welcome to 2010

So far my New Year Resolution has gotten off to a bad start, kinda.

I didn't work out at all today and slept pretty much all day. I'm eating healthy though.
But I will be doing some exercises after Mom goes to sleep. I have to burn of 35,000 calories a day or something like that, to lose 10 lbs a month.
I need to shed about 50 lbs or 60 lbs, to be my ideal weight, where I will feel content.

I have an an ear infection from a cold and a bath. I get one of these at least once a year. Sometimes the pain is so bad I get sick, and sometimes its so mild its nothing.

It's my nephews 3rd birthday in a few days. Where does the time go?

Anyways thats all I have to share. I will be posting a short story later on tonight.

Until next time.